Comments on: Kids Gone Wild

By: Bill Muehlenberg

Bill Muehlenberg — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 12:17:39 +0000

Thanks Cara

I will have to get a copy of that book. Thanks for the tip.

Bill Muehlenberg, CultureWatch

By: Cara Whittred

Cara Whittred — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 12:11:08 +0000

Hello Bill, I just wanted to mention a book that I think is absolutely key with regard to the spiralling incidence of bullying. It’s titled “Hold On to Your Kids – why parents need to matter more than peers”. Authors: Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., and Gabor Mate, M.D.
I bought a copy a few years ago in the USA (live in Brisbane) and have ordered copies and sent them off to quite a few folk. It covers the issues of peer orientation and peer attachment and I don’t think we will get on top of this epidemic until we understand the root of the problem. (I think I’m kind of paraphrasing one of the authors there!) Anyway please follow up if you can. I look forward to a book review.
Kind regards and God bless.
PS Always find your articles so excellent…
Cara Whittred

By: Mansel Rogerson

Mansel Rogerson — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:09:36 +0000

I’ve read a few Christian child rearing/training books and found the best by far is ‘To train up a child’ by Michael and Debi Pearl. I highly recommend this book for every parent or grandparent. A very practical guide to training and disciplining children.

The Pearls’ also have a website:
www.nogreaterjoy.org

Mansel Rogerson

By: Michellerg

Michellerg — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 01:35:26 +0000

Hello, my name is Michelle, and I was spanked as a child. I always knew my parents loved me; I saw the anguish in their face as by my disobedience they were forced to take things to the next level.

I was never abused, but I was most definitely disciplined. In my school growing up, a private, Christian school, the strap was administered for punishment. I never got in trouble because I did not want that punishment!

I have been back to that school now, and they have issues such as one child throwing a desk across the room at a teacher! There is no fear of discipline; his punishment was 600 lines. whoop dee doo. I wouldn’t be afraid of getting in trouble if I were him either.

My sister and I have grown up with loving parents, who spanked us out of love, and I am grateful for the clear lines they drew for my life. Even though I spent a few years in rebellion, there was a certain line I never crossed with my parents, because I knew better. They instilled a proper amount of respect in me.

I will discipline my children as well.

Michelle Guillemaud, Canada

By: Garth

Garth — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 12:44:35 +0000

Oh and Patricia, I think you hit the nail on the head, and sadly the church is often no better. All I’d add is that a key to it all is the appalling rate of absent father’s caused by irresponsible men, messy divorces and selfish women, feminism, and until of more recent times the draconian custody rulings against men.
Garth Penglase

By: Garth

Garth — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 12:35:33 +0000

To smack or not to smack is *not* the question. But discipline and consistency are the answer. I know first hand a fellow who’s father would beat him harshly when he was very disrespectful and naughty – now he’s an adult he said that he deserved it as he was a bit of a terror and that he’s thankful his father cared.

In contrast I know of a woman who smacked her children as well as using a range of different discipline methods (some mentioned above), but due to her own immaturity wavered between selfish anger and trying to be their best friends. Her eldest daughter has run away and is in a sorry state, and her other two daughters I’ve avoided being around for years now.

The first case was just discipline (even if somewhat heavy), and it was consistent. The second, in what I guess you’d call ‘socially acceptable disciplining’ was often unjust and very inconsistent, painfully so.

Kids aren’t stupid. Kids learn by example. Kids constantly need to know they are loved, but kids also need to know clearly what the boundaries are – and these must not change with every whim or feeling. Parenting by ‘feelings’ is confusing and ultimately devastating.

Garth Penglase

By: Patricia Halligan

Patricia Halligan — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 01:27:58 +0000

Dear Bill,
A brilliant article which everyone should read. Many modern parents are instilling in their kids, through lack of discipline and example that selfish individualism is the way to live their lives. The parents who are trying hard to discipline their children and teach by example have little hope against this powerful, all pervading influence. Society no longer supports them but it should do as you say. Laws have been changed to suit those who believe they have a right to do as they please regardless of anyone else. The liberal abortion laws we have in this country are only one manifestation of this. Since few have any religious beliefs confusion reigns about what is moral. For example the law allows abortion so it must be alright and is accepted in most people’s view. Society cannot be held together by selfish individualism or in Pope John Paul 2′s words, a culture of death. He wasn’t just referring to abortion when he coined the phrase. He meant selfish individualism in all its forms and this philosophy permeates everything now even in modes of parenting. Many parents are just too busy with their own selfish pursuits – extra marital affairs, careers etc to discipline or set a good example to their children.
God Bless
Patricia Halligan

By: Bill Muehlenberg

Bill Muehlenberg — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 05:53:55 +0000

Thanks Steve
Yes all the things you mentioned we should be involved in, and then some. The main thing is to care, and be informed. God works through his people, so we have a lot of responsibilities in these areas.
Bill Muehlenberg, CultureWatch

By: Steve Davis

Steve Davis — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 03:34:08 +0000

Bill, In relation to this type of encroachment, the people who write to this forum can obviously see it but the question is this: what do Christians do to face up to and deal with these types of sordid problems? Do we write letters, form action groups, forums etc? I am sure most if not all of the people who write to you pray about these issues but on the ground how do you canvass action against these things? Please forgive me if I sound a little naive but as someone on one of your earlier forums said: if we do not stand up for our Christian heritage, traditions and beliefs and it’s blessed founder then we are liable to lose the lot. This is quite a frightening thought!
Steve Davis

By: siti khatijah

siti khatijah — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 02:23:03 +0000

Dear Bill, All this is very sad. Very sad. I cannot comprehend this. I am afraid of failing myself. Sometimes I wonder whether I am too strict or not enough. I am blessed to have a husband who does not like TV, who always wants the children playing outside when he is home from work &, thankfully, gets jobs that allows him some flexibility for time with the children. Having read this article of yours and all that have been happening to our young ones, I remember my father said to me “a measure of a man’s success is how his children turns out”. Perhaps he read this somewhere I dont know, but i remember those words and hold dear to it. I am so grateful that my husband is the way he is and my children are safe. Perhaps these experts should really talk to these children who have no parent around them constantly, who have no father, who were never disciplined and given limits and are now in trouble. Perhaps the answers are with them.
Siti Khatijah